Clayton Kershaw took a deep breath, grasped the microphone with his left hand, then chuckled as he scanned the room around him.
“This,” he said, “is weird.”
Over his 18 seasons with the Dodgers, Kershaw was always wary of putting the spotlight on himself. Now, dozens of teammates, coaches, executives, staffers and media members, as well as his wife, Ellen, and their four kids, all sat before him — witness to his official announcement that he was ending his illustrious playing career.
"I'm going to call it,” Kershaw said. “I'm going to retire.”
After years of grappling with the decision, and ultimately returning to play for the Dodgers into his age-37 season, the future Hall of Fame left-hander made his decision to finally walk away sound simple.
He felt it was time, and could do so pitching well.
“Going into the season, we kind of knew that this was going to be it, so didn’t want to say anything in case I changed my mind,” he said. “But over the course of the season, just how grateful I am to have been healthy and be out on the mound and be able to pitch, I think it just made it obvious that this was a good sending-off point. And it is. I’ve had the best time this year. It’s been a blast.”
Indeed, while Kershaw acknowledged that going out on his “own terms is a weird thing to say,” that’s exactly what this season has offered to the three-time Cy Young Award and former MVP winner.
“Not a lot of people get this opportunity,” he said. “Being able to pitch, and not pitch terribly ... has been super special.”
Kershaw, of course, has been much more than “not terrible” in what will be his final big-league campaign.
Entering what was suddenly the final regular-season home start of his career Friday, the left-hander was 10-2 with a 3.53 ERA, ranking second on the team in victories and third in innings pitched.
It didn’t matter that he missed the opening month and a half recovering from offseason foot and knee surgeries. Or that his diminished fastball has failed to average even 90 mph.
Read more:Plaschke: Clayton Kershaw retiring with legacy as the greatest Dodger ever
In Year 18, Kershaw has found success “just on guile and heart,” as manager Dave Roberts described it. He has used every bit of his veteran wisdom to navigate opposing lineups with his trademark combination of fastballs, curveballs and sliders (as well as a newly incorporated splitter to change speeds).
“Guys that get to first base still go, ‘I cannot see the slider,’ and then he throws a 71-, 72-mph curveball,” first baseman Freddie Freeman said. “I know he’s not throwing 94, 95, like when I was facing him [in the prime of his career] anymore. But he still knows how to pitch. He’s the best to ever do it.”
It’s been a year of milestones for Kershaw, none bigger than when he became the 20th member of MLB’s 3,000 career strikeout club in July. But it’s also been a campaign of fulfillment, giving the 11-time All-Star one last chance to help lead a World Series chase.
“I’m telling you, this guy — you can never count him out,” Roberts said. “We certainly wouldn’t be in this position in the standings if it weren’t for him. I’m certain of that.”
That’s why, on Thursday, Kershaw kept referencing this season as the best ending he could have imagined. He isn’t injured, instead feeling as good as he has in years thanks to changes in his training routine. He isn’t struggling like last season when he posted a 4.50 ERA over just seven starts between shoulder and foot/knee surgeries.
While his postseason status remains to be determined — Roberts said Kershaw likely will have a role in the playoffs, perhaps as a multi-inning option out of the bullpen, but is still not a roster certainty given the team’s starting rotation depth — his impact on the club’s championship aspirations has already been profound.
“We still have a lot to accomplish, obviously, this month, and the last thing I want to do is be a distraction to anybody for accomplishing our ultimate goal, to win in the last game of the season,” Kershaw said. “So we're going to get through this today and then we're going to win the rest of the games and be good.”
But first, however, he had a few thank-yous to give.
Kershaw referenced Dodgers owners Mark Walter and Todd Boehly, a front office staff led by president of baseball operations Andrew Friedman and general manager Brandon Gomes, team president Stan Kasten and chief marketing officer Lon Rosen, and of course Roberts with the rest of his coaching and training staff.
“I know I'm a pain sometimes, so thank you for putting up with me,” Kershaw joked. “Thank you for helping me get this carcass out on the field every fifth day.”
From beneath his sweat-stained L.A. cap, his easy smile disappeared once he began to address his teammates. His voice cracked. Tears welled in his eyes.
“The hardest one is the teammates, so I'm not even going to look at you guys,” Kershaw said. “Just you guys sitting in this room, you mean so much to me. We have so much fun. I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss working out Day 1 in the weight room, listening to crazy music with you guys. Shirtless Sundays, I'm going to miss all of that.
“The game in and of itself, I'm going to miss a lot, but I'll be OK without that,” he added. “I think the hard part is the feeling after a win, celebrating with you guys. That's pretty special.
“All right,” he continued while trying to gather himself. “I'm done with that.”
Next, Kershaw turned toward his four children, and his wife who is currently pregnant with their fifth. He shared a message from Ellen, and how she experienced Kershaw’s 18 years from her so-called perch in the stands.
“She's cried over some really hard losses and some really incredible milestones,” he said. “She's watched our kids fall in love with the game, with the players and watching me pitch.”
Moments later, as Kershaw was reading a Bible verse about working “with all your heart,” his voice began to quiver again.
Read more:Clayton Kershaw announces retirement after 18 seasons with Dodgers
“I’m really not sad, I’m really not,” he insisted. “I’m really at peace with this. It’s just emotional. I tried to hold it together.”
Kershaw was his more witty self as he opened the floor to field reporters’ questions.
He thanked the assembled media for “putting up with me” and his often (though less so recently) terse answers in postgame availabilities.
He reiterated that retirement now was the "right call" because, as he bluntly put it, “you don’t ever wanna pitch bad.”
When asked what he expected from his final regular-season home start on Friday, he deadpanned, “I anticipate pitching good” — noting that the first-place Dodgers (and their Friday opponent, the wild-card-chasing San Francisco Giants) are still playing meaningful games.
“[The atmosphere will] be heightened, I’m sure, but I’ve got a job to do, so I need to go out there and do my job,” he said.
When asked once more what has made this season so special, however, Kershaw let himself get sentimental again.
“It’s just a great group of guys — look, everybody’s here today, that means a lot — and I think we all have each other’s back,” he said. “It’s not always gonna go great for everybody all the time, and the only people that understand that are the people in the clubhouse. Baseball’s a hard game. It’s not easy to play. So I think to have a group of guys in it together, and kind of understanding that and being together, being able to have a ton of fun all the time, is really important. The older I’ve gotten, the more important it is.”
Kershaw then tried to shift his focus back to the remainder of the season, saying he’s “thankful we’re gonna have another month or so to play.”
After that, his future plans will be straightforward, his days set to be occupied by Little League practices and dance recitals and all of his kids’ other activities back home in Texas.
“I’m gonna do that for a while, for sure,” he said.
But first, he wants his storybook final season to have a storybook final chapter; hoping to not only go out on his own terms, but do so with one more championship ring.
“I don’t know if we need any more inspiration,” third baseman and longtime teammate Max Muncy said. “But obviously, it would be really nice to get another one on his way out.”
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This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.
