Category: Sports News

As we prepare to finalize our preseason SunsRank, it’s worth looking back at the list we’ve created so far. 

Overall, I think it’s a solid reflection of where this franchise currently stands. The depth of the roster creates a bit of a bottleneck within the Pillars tier because it becomes difficult to separate players who bring completely different archetypes to the table. You have a backup point guard, a starting power forward, a pair of centers, and a 6’3” guard who plays much bigger than his frame and brings a relentless defensive mentality. That’s a good problem to have. 

The Suns’ depth within this tier is broad, and the skill sets are varied. Distribution. Rebounding. Rim protection. Athleticism. And then there’s the unquantifiable attitude that helps reinforce the identity of the team. Phoenix may not be a roster that jumps off the page and intimidates you on paper. But when you play against them, you feel it. 

With only three players left to rank, here’s where we currently stand:

I was curious to see where Miles Bridges would ultimately land. The writers ranked him as the fourth-best player on the team, while the community placed Collin Gillespie ahead of him. And this is where my interpretation of the subjective term “best” comes into play.

If you ask me right now who the better player is, I’m going with Miles Bridges. When I do this exercise, I’m not looking at the price relative to the value paid or what a player might become 2 or 3 years from now. I’m looking at what I believe their production and impact will be this upcoming season. From that perspective, Bridges is going to have a much larger impact than Gillespie, and he’ll need to if the Suns are going to be successful. They bring completely different skill sets, but Bridges has more ways to affect the game offensively. He’ll be in the starting lineup, he’ll have more opportunities, and the gravity he creates should open up areas of the offense that Phoenix desperately needs to improve, primarily getting to the rim.

Gillespie will still be vital. His ability to guide the second unit and provide much-needed three-point shooting will matter throughout the season. But if we’re asking who the better player is right now, I think it’s Miles Bridges.

And now we turn to the final three, the Cornerstones. These are the stars, the players with the ability to make an All-Star team. They’re the guys this team is building around, and they’re expected to make a major impact every night. Ultimately, how far the Suns go this season will depend heavily on what they get from this group.

And here they are.

The Cornerstones

Devin Booker

Devin Booker is preparing to enter his 12th season with the Phoenix Suns, something only Kevin Johnson and Alvan Adams have ever done. Adams still holds the franchise record, having played 13 seasons in Phoenix. And before this season is over, Booker will pass both Steve Nash and Walter Davis in total games played, moving into second all-time in franchise history.

Yeah, you feel old yet?

The baby-faced kid from Kentucky has been a staple of this franchise for 11 years, and as he prepares for Year 12, he once again finds himself shouldering the responsibility of playing slightly out of position. The Suns can tell us all day that Jalen Green is who they want starting at point guard, but we all know that by 20 games into the season, Booker is probably going to be leading the team in usage and functioning as the primary distributor. The modern NBA is positionless, but it’s still hard not to look back at Booker’s prime and wish he had spent more of those years alongside a better ball handler and distributor.

Still, the roster around him as he prepares to turn 30 years old has something he can feed off of. Fire. Passion. Edge. And Booker still has the elite scoring ability to make all of it work. Now, if he can find his way back to shooting 38.3% from three as he has twice in his career, great things could happen in Phoenix.

Dillon Brooks 

The Villain returns this season with a new extension under his belt, something he certainly earned after averaging 20.2 points per game last year, a number I don’t think many of us saw coming. What was more predictable was the attitude he brought and the way he helped forge the Phoenix Suns’ identity into one defined by toughness, grit, and edge.

With Jalen Green hopefully healthy and Miles Bridges now in the mix, Brooks may take a step back in terms of production and offensive involvement. That doesn’t diminish what he brings to this team. The attitude, physicality, and competitiveness still matter, and they remain a major part of what makes this version of the Suns who they are.

Jalen Green

This is going to be an incredibly important year for Jalen Green. We’ve seen the potential. We’ve experienced the athleticism. We know the upside of the 24-year-old combo guard is high. At some point, though, upside has to become consistent production. That has always been the challenge with Green. His inconsistency in multiple areas of the game, whether it’s three-point shooting, finishing at the rim, or facilitation, has limited how high his ceiling can actually go.

Could this be the year he puts it all together? Could this be the season where, with the roster built around him, Green finally reaches that potential? If he does, the Suns suddenly have an elite backcourt. If he doesn’t, then you start looking at the open market and asking what you can get for him in return.

And now it’s your turn to complete the final SunsRank of 2026. We won’t touch these rankings again until the season is over. Then we’ll come back and see how everyone moved based on the difference between preseason perception and what actually happened on the court.

I want to thank everyone who took the time to participate throughout the process, from placing players into tiers to ranking them individually through SunsRank. It’s an exercise I look forward to every year because it captures exactly how we view this team at a specific moment in time.

Now we get to see how right, or how wrong, we were.

As always, the Brew Hoop community came up big, posing some very thoughtful questions. Coaching, projections, perspective, roster construction, team priorities, and more. You hit ‘em all. Here’s our takes; thanks for choppin’ it up.

Coaching

Harms: Where would you rank Taylor Jenkins right now vs the rest of the league Head coaches?

Zac: This is such a hard question to answer; any coach is only as good as the players they have. Of course, as cliché as it is, a coach has to make their team better than the sum of its parts too. Clearly, that hasn’t happened in Milwaukee for some time. Statistically, 13 current head coaches have a better career winning percentage than Taylor Jenkins, while 15 have a worse career winning percentage. Nick Nurse is tied at 53.9%. But that ignores context.

From my vantage point, Joe Mazzulla, Steve Kerr, Rick Carlisle, Erik Spoelstra, and Mark Daigneault (in no particular order) all deserve recognition as better coaches than Jenkins. Then there’s Mike Brown, who just led the New York Knicks to the championship, but I’m not convinced he’s better. The same can be said for Tyronn Lue and Nick Nurse. On the other end of the spectrum, Micah Nori, Sean Sweeney, and Dusty May are yet to coach a single NBA game, so Jenkins gets the nod as better by default. You can’t convince me he’s not better than Brian Keefe, Tuomas Iasolo, Doug Christie, Charles Lee, Jamahl Mosley, and Tiago Splitter, either.

With all that in mind, I have him somewhere between sixth and 21st. That’s a huge range, I know. But, like so many of the players on this roster, Jenkins also has a lot to prove. For what it’s worth, I think he’s up to the challenge—as I outlined in my April dive into the Bucks’ coaching search and Jenkin’s past. Let him sow.

Player projections

Harms: Who will be the most improved buck? Some recent articles and podcasts have been talking up Dieng as a possibility.

Zac: This is another legitimately tough one. With so many unproven players, it could be nearly anyone—besides the rookies, of course (you need a baseline to judge improvement). To your point, Ousmane Dieng showed a lot after coming over at the trade deadline last season, but I just can’t see him having as much responsibility—at least with the ball—to make a run at this title. Kasparas Jakučionis is someone I’m really intrigued with, but he doesn’t seem to have a pathway to enough minutes to take it, either. Jaime Jaquez Jr., on the other hand, figures to get plenty of opportunity at both of the forward positions. He also offers something this squad lacks—downhill attack and paint scoring.

On the flip side, there are numerous veterans who have a realistic shot at being MIB (that’s most improved Buck). After playing so poorly last year, Myles Turner is due to bounce back. Then again, would this really be improvement? Herro, playing for the first time in his career as a number one option, could potentially explode too. But would that be improvement, or just increased opportunity and usage?

You know what? I think Ryan Rollins doubles down on his improvement from a year ago but this time gets the recognition for it (at least from a league-wide perspective). He increases his points to about 20 a night—those off-season workouts with James Harden pay dividends at the stripe—and, more importantly, becomes one of the leaders on the team, cementing his place as the team’s point guard of the present and the future.

Harms: What do you anticipate the roles of vets like Trent, Green and kuzma to be to start the season?

Jack: OK, so for Trent—who we hope is cleared of any wrongdoing, LOL—I think they’re going to have to play him at least 15 minutes per game (certainly at the start of the season) to not make his contract look even fishier? Like, it would look pretty suspicious to pay someone $64m and then not play them, even if they haven’t warranted minutes. The more I think about it, the more I realize you just cannot do that; the optics are horrible. This annoys me a fair bit because those minutes should go to younger players, but instead they’re going to a guy who has no future on this team because Horst made a deal with the devil. Tough.

Gosh, I feel like AJ, through no fault of his own, is now the odd man out? So many combo guards need to play. Like, Rollins, Herro, Porter, LeVert, Burries… where does Green fit, and how can you find him minutes? At 26, does he fit into the “next wave,” or is he more valuable as a trade chip? I just feel like at least one of these guards has to be traded, which was why everyone was floating Green as the guy to go out in any potential Peyton Watson deal. Do I think “choosing” others over Green would be the right choice? I am far from sure. What I will say is that AJ has probably hit his ceiling as a player, so if you value what he brings, that’s great, but there probably isn’t much more evolution to come.

I reckon there’s a decent chance Kuz starts at the four at the beginning of the season and plays 25-30 minutes per night. It feels like he’s going to take on a leadership role as a vet on this young team. Other commenters have mentioned this before, but I think this team will try its hardest to win up until the trade deadline; however, it might shift to a more developmental focus after that (even though there’s no value in tanking since they don’t have their first-round pick). Ergo, if Kuzma isn’t traded at the deadline, I could see his minutes cut substantially as they wait for his contract to expire.

Statistically speaking

Harms: How many assists and turnovers per game do you anticipate? Who will lead in each category?

Jack: To the first question, the Bucks averaged 25.8 assists per game last season, ranking middle of the pack (16th). I found this interesting because I don’t feel like the team moved the ball particularly well last season, but I guess that’s what happens when you have Giannis; you’re just naturally going to rack up assists because he— being the physical presence he is—demands multiple defenders, which creates open looks. Without Giannis, I am confident the team will move the ball better, but still end up with a similar number of assists per game, if that makes sense. Like, the assists they get will “look better” because the ball has moved in a more typical fashion, but the number itself won’t shift much.

As for turnovers, the Bucks finished last season ranking 21st at 15.2 per game (meaning they averaged the ninth-most in the NBA). Funnily enough, my prediction for this is similar to my prediction for assists: they will land in a similar spot, but for a different reason. Last season was a mess; nobody really knew their role, and Giannis was often injured, which led to a chaotic style of play and thus, many turnovers. This season, the team is basically brand new and has little to no continuity, so I predict similar chaos and a similar number of turnovers per game.

Regarding the leader in each category, Ryan Rollins is my pick to lead in assists, closely followed by Kevin Porter Jr. As for turnovers, the obvious answer is KPJ, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some teething issues with Kel’el Ware as he tries to expand his offensive game.

Coverage and perspective

Wisconsin Sam: I would like to know if you feel your “outsider” perspective (as referenced in Jack’s articles about how Giannis CLEARLY should have been traded a year earlier, as opposed to us sentimental locals who wanted to hang on to our precious Freak as long as we could and never never let him go… maybe that’s just me) affects your coverage at all. Also if it makes you say things like “chinwag.”

Zac: Honestly, it has to, right? But I don’t see“affects” as a negative. Not being from Milwaukee (I have visited though—on my honeymoon no less!), we don’t have the same ties to the city as locals do, but don’t for a second confuse that for a lack of care or investment in this team. In fact, I’d say it’s the opposite. Following (and covering) a team from afar is arguably more difficult—games air during the workday, we don’t get to see them in person, and most people we encounter have only a very casual relationship with the NBA—let alone the Bucks—so fandom can be isolating. You don’t commit to a team like the Bucks without doing so wholeheartedly and some of my greatest memories are because of this team. So, trust me, we are sentimental (see my Bobby Simmons piece and, more pertinently, this and this about just what Giannis means to me). But, again, my sentimentality is not the same as yours. It can’t be.

As for “chinwag,” I wouldn’t say it’s a part of my daily vernacular, but it is a great term—just think of the imagery! Plus, I’ve grown rather protective fond of chin-related nomenclature—my high school PE teacher nicknamed me “Jaws” for my, uh, substantial jaw (and it’s still a running joke in my circle). Let the chins wag!

Roster and contracts

BarryDort: With it being rookie extension season, should the Bucks offer the rookie extension to Jaime Jaquez Jr. and what type of deal should they offer?

Jack: I don’t think the Bucks should be in any rush to extend Jaquez. If he wants to accept a “below-market deal”—maybe like 5/100 or 4/88—I might do it, but I’d probably prefer to wait and let him hit RFA. Horst and co. need to gather more data on JJJ to discern if they see him as part of the “next great Bucks team” or if they view him more as a bridge player that could help a contender now. Also, unethical as they are, restricted free agency rules have proven an effective tool for teams to force players into signing below-market contracts (see: Josh Giddey, Jonathan Kuminga… maybe Jalen Duren this offseason). If the Bucks can save a few… bucks… they should do exactly that. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

BarryDort: Everyone assumes Ryan Rollins is going to be a Buck for a long time. However, after this season he will most likely opt out of his deal and become an unrestricted free agent. How much is it going to cost to keep him and will it even matter if he decides he has a better opportunity somewhere else in the league?

Zac: How much it costs to keep him largely depends on his play this season. Was last year’s growth for real? Does he take another step? My answer to both is “Yes,” but there’s a very real chance that he regresses too. Looking at league-wide players salaries, and assuming Rollins does continue his ascension, it’s hard not to see him in the mid-20s annually. If not more. As for a better opportunity elsewhere? I don’t see it, certainly not in terms of touches and role—and Rollins doesn’t seem to be at the point in his career where he’d prioritise winning over those. He’s also had a lot of instability in his young career—three teams and plenty of time in the G-League in just four seasons as a pro—so you’d think (hope?) he’d value continuity.

Kaz5: If no trades happen before the season starts (which is kind of what I’m assuming now), who makes the team and who gets cut?

Jack: If no trades happen, I’d bet a lot of money they convert Pete Nance back to a two-way, since he has one year of two-way eligibility left (I think). From there, I can’t see how they take this many guards into the season; Horst could very well eat KPJ or LeVert’s expiring contract, and voila, you’re at 15 players.

Zac: I’ll jump in on this one too. I agree that a trade this late is unlikely—but you never know (just see the Damian Lillard trade to Milwaukee, which happened on September 27). In that case, I assume Pete Nance is one of the unlucky roster cuts, mainly due to him having a non-guaranteed contract. As for the other one, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Bucks waive Caris LeVert. His $14.8m salary would be handy in future trade scenarios, but he just feels too much like the odd man out in this team (age, position etc.).

Team priorities

BarryDort: What should the Bucks prioritize for next year, winning or development? I believe you can only do one or the other at the same time. Development is playing 10-12 guys 20-25 minutes a game to get better and determine who is going to be part of the team going forward. Playing veterans 30 plus minutes a game doesn’t accomplish that goal.

Jack: I believe Milwaukee should prioritise development. When I weigh the upside vs. the downside of trying to win every game, the upside is that fans, by and large, are generally more content (which leads to higher ticket sales) and that the Bucks don’t give up such a high draft pick (but then again, with the flattened draft odds, who really knows). Additionally, as I’ve mentioned before, this draft is not great, so giving up a high pick is not nearly as costly/embarrassing as it ordinarily would be.

On the other hand, the downside of going all out to win every game is that you lose valuable opportunities to collect data on the young guys and expose them to NBA basketball, which, three years down the line, could prove costly. Also, as a fan, I want to see these guys play more than I do your Kyle Kuzmas or Caris LeVerts. Even if it’s not pretty, I want to see the “kids” play and would get a lot of joy out of it.

Mayor of Ding Dong City: My question is a two parter- which three players do you feel like are most likely traded during the season (bonus points for making rough % chance each get traded) and which players would you most likely look to trade if you were Horst?

Zac: I can’t go past Tyler Herro, Myles Turner, and Kyle Kuzma. For one, these guys don’t fit the Bucks’ timeline for contention—Herro will be 27 in January, Turner will be 31 in March, and Kuzma already is 31. While these ages don’t make them old, they are getting up there, at least in terms of playing prime. Moreover, as skillful veterans (yes, even in Kuzma’s case), they are more likely targets for teams looking for impact players now, especially around the trade deadline when teams have a clear indication of where they sit and are therefore more likely to go “all in.” And while I’m someone who really values veteran leadership on the roster—just see my Culture setters piece from earlier this offseason—if the Bucks can turn them into picks or younger assets, they certainly have to go for it. Percentage-wise, I’ll go Kuzma at 70% (his expiring contract helps here), Turner at 55%, and Herro at 35% (just know I am not a gambling man).

As for the second part of your question, if I’m Horst, I want to build with and around guys who want to be here. For all their warts, Herro (via public comments), Turner (through hosting the team in Texas), and Kuzma have all made steps in showing that desire. Having said this, I’m supremely cognisant to the fact that at least two of these guys (Herro and Turner) stand directly in the way of the two Bucks with the most upside, Brayden Burries and Kel’el Ware. Kuzma, with Jaime Jaquez Jr., Nate Ament, and even Ousmane Dieng, presents a similar situation. So, all things considered, I’d honestly stick with the same three names, with the caveat that it depends on what everyone shows early on in the season (and that there are no takers for Gary Trent Jr.). Outside of these three, I’d look at freeing up some of the guard room, in which case AJ Green and Kevin Porter Jr. seem the most likely candidates—they offer an enticing combination of strong talent and low salary to interest a number of teams.

Kaz5: The Bucks are obviously rebuilding. What is a realistic timeline to be a championship contender again? Five years? So, who will be a part of that future? Similar to what others have said, I’d love to see a roster analysis. I’d especially be interested in hearing insights on which guys they will try to trade in the very-near future. I have no issue with these guys as Milwaukee Bucks, but I feel like the following guys don’t fit that 4-5 year timeline:

• Tyler Herro
• Kyle Kuzma
• Caris LeVert
• Gary Trent Jr.
• Myles Turner

I think each of those guys can contribute to a winning team, but that’s not the Bucks right now. Which of those guys will be traded pre-season? Mid-season? Next off-season?

Jack: Sorry, this turned into a much longer answer. Yeah, I’d say the Bucks are looking at a 4-6 year window for when they hope to contend again. At the very least, they’d want to be showing signs that they’re getting close by the fourth or fifth year. With that said, this is made much more difficult due to Milwaukee having precious few first-round picks over this timeline. Now, what they have is a pick surplus from 2031 onward thanks to the Giannis trade, and those Heat picks could be very valuable.

That gives you two options: 1) be patient with the rebuild and maybe even extend your timeline a year or two and make one or both of those Heat picks yourself in 2031 and 2033, or 2), trade those picks over the next few years in exhange for immediate help—whether that be through the upcoming drafts or in a trade for an established player—and speed up the process. I don’t know the right answer; what I will say is that the hasty nature of Horst’s operations over the past eight years has naturally made me more inclined to see the front office exercise patience. It’s not about constructing a team that can merely win a few playoff games in the first round; it’s about building something that can have sustainable success at the highest level.

As for the guys you mentioned, I agree that in an ideal world, all of them would be traded. However, as you’ll see in an upcoming article, not all of them have great trade value. Herro’s a good chance to be dealt to a win-now team mid-season if he plays OK for the first 50 games and doesn’t get injured. Kuzma is an expiring, so he’ll either get dealt mid-season for some middling picks or just expire—LeVert same thing. Nobody’s touching Trent’s contract for at least two years, I’m sorry to say. Turner, if he plays well to start the year, could be moved mid-season; the contract isn’t great, but it’s not awful either.

How’d we go, folks? Agree with our takes or think that we’re trippin’? Either way, let us know in the comments and thanks again for your questions. Questions & Antlers will return in November, at about the quarter mark of the season, where we can chat about early season impressions.

Editor’s Note: One of the most fun parts of the Canis Hoopus of the past was the sheer creativity and eccentricity of the writers that would baffle and surprise me, but clearly carried the care and love that this site should be home to.

It is my pleasure to introduce Anand Balasubrahmanyan, who embodies that concept perfectly. Please give him a warm welcome!

While hiking in the Blaine Wetland Sanctuary, a Canis Hoopus staff writer encountered an accursed bog witch and took the opportunity to peer into her acrid crystal ball for answers about the upcoming Minnesota Timberwolves season. The following transcript of their conversation was mailed to Canis headquarters on a wretched parchment hewn from human skin.

Hey Wolves fans, feeling hungry for 26/27 season predictions?

Will Anthony Edwards win MVP?

Canis Hoopus Representative: Anthony Edwards has one of the best supporting casts he’s ever had, and finally seems set to do the things he’s great at instead of being forced to fill in gaps. Are awards within grasp for the young Wolves superstar?

Accursed Bog Witch: *adds eye of newt to burbling caldron*

The best part of being a Timberwolves fan has been watching Ant add to his game each year. From ‘wow, that rookie gets to the rim like a next-level athlete’ to ‘hey, Ant’s three-point release is much more consistent’ to ‘oh my God, did he just hit his head on the rim while blocking that shot?’ to last year’s ‘man, this guy has the smoothest step through floater I’ve ever seen,’ A1 from Day 1 is significantly better on Day 2,190. 

At age 25, Ant is entering those golden years when the truly elite ballers rip off peak seasons and gatecrash the MVP conversation. Ant has gradually increased his scoring average each year, and a 30-point-per-game season is well within his grasp – this would guarantee a slot as an MVP finalist. 

In this humble, demonic bog witch’s opinion, Edwards would make an even stronger case for himself if he unlocked his rebounding potential and averaged one more rebound per game (six boards per game). With inveterate chucker LaMelo Ball as his backcourt partner, I could also see an uptick in assists to five per game. I predict averages of 30 points, six rebounds, five assists, and a shade over one steal – that looks like an MVP to me.

Unfortunately, the NBA MVP is also a narrative award. This means voters will often go with the player who has the best story alongside gaudy stats. There are three players constructing revenge narratives that could distract MVP voters from MN’s beloved ATLien:

• Jaylen Brown: Disrespected scorer sticks it to smug Boston front office. Very appealing outside New England.
• Victor Wembanyama: The tall man is very tall. Appealing on an instinctual level. 
• Jalen Brunson: Finals hero gives doubters a make-up call. Appealing to voters who swear they knew Jalen had it in him the whole time.

What will it be like to root for LaMelo?

CH: Too much of this offseason has been focused on how fans of the NBA struggle to root for Ball because of his colorful personality and dreadful driving. Will that worry materialize?

ABW:

I hate you.

I love you.

I hate you.

I love you.

Grow up.

Stay young forever.

This will be the yo-yo of your heart as LaMelo jacks one-legged threes and dimes up Joan Beringer from the fifth dimension. Why did he take that shot? How did he make that pass? Why does his cherry-red nose resemble a rheumatic mall Santa three drinks in?

My advice? Embrace the crazy; it can’t be worse than Dillingham. 

CH: On a related note, who are the best point guards in Wolves history?

ABW: Stare deep into your soul, for the answers you seek are already within.

• Sam Cassell – If only scrotum reduction surgery had been invented in 2003
• Terrell Brandon – Solid foul line jumper
• Chauncey Billups – Has a hot tip to take the under on the Dallas Mavericks this year
• Stephon Marbury – Always wondered what if the Wolves held onto Ray Allen instead of trading him for Marbury? Could Kevin Garnett and Allen have achieved their Celtics success in Minny, or did they need the bitter taste of defeat first? 
• Ricky Rubio – Spent his NBA career pursuing the mythical 20-assist, zero-point game
• Ancient Mike Conley – Creak of his knees still echoes in the Target Center rafters
• D’Angelo Russell – Feast or famine shooters are no good for a starving fanbase
• Pooh Richardson – Pooh’s the best 
• Tyus Jones – Surely, the next three has to go in
• Jonny Flynn – Still time for him to have a better career than Steph Curry 

In other words, LaMelo is going to awaken things inside of you that you never knew existed.

Did the Wolves make the right choice in restructuring their roster?

CH: Why did the Wolves change their identity from frontcourt giants to zippy ball handlers?

ABW: Why indeed. As a fellow practitioner of sinister blood magiks, I think I can see what Tim Connelly was going for this offseason. The jumbo lineups, which proved so effective vs the Denver Nuggets, have grown obsolete as Denver decided to cheap out and let their role players leave the building. Now it’s the Oklahoma City Thunder and the San Antonio Spurs we need to worry about. Julius Randle could beat big-boy Draymond, but not Big Vic. 

Last year, OKC provided an enticing glimpse of how to forget the Alamo. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and company took San Antonio to seven games without Jalen Williams by pushing them with waves and waves of pesky guards who just kept running. Jared McCain gave Wemby more issues than Rudy Gobert.

This summer, Connelly was the only GM brave enough to ask: what if we constructed an OKC-style, guard-heavy lineup populated entirely by knuckleheads??? Genius is madness with a dash of luck. 

CH: What should I do with my Naz Reid tattoo?

ABW: Ask your tattoo artist if they can laser-fade your Big Jelly tat to look like Amy Klobuchar

Wait are you crying?

CH: I just…I just love Naz so much

ABW: Look, a large portion of the Infernal Bog Witch Analytics Community (IBWAC) ranks Naz as a better player than LaMelo. Over the last two years, Naz has been a better three-point shooter (37% from three vs. 35%), a better rebounder (6.1 rebounds per game vs. 4.8), has played 48 more games than LaMelo, and has been more effective as a road safety instructor than the former Lithuanian league superstar.

CH: Which young Timberwolf will “make the leap”?

ABW: Shout out to the Canis comments section–its Joan Beringer! The Big Beret had an up-and-down rookie season, often looking like the game was moving too fast for him to process. But that’s normal rookie stuff. The potential he flashed got this whole bog wet. Soft hands! Great motor!

Cut down on the fouls and take a deep breath Joan. Its your time to shine.  

(Also, Jaylen Clark is better than Josh Okogie, and he is maybe the ninth-best player on the team? Feels so good to root for a deep Wolves bench [no offense to the Robbie Hummel days…but c’mon!])

Can Jonathan Kuminga be a functional power forward?

CH: What about Jonathan Kuminga? Will his signing work out or blow up? It feels like someone picking the Wolves like this has never happened.

ABW: Back when I was a young hag, still perfecting my hysterical cackle, power forwards ran the NBA. Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, Pau Gasol, and Dirk Nowitzki all dominated with some combination of tentpole defense and clinical mid-range jumpers. But in 2026, the role of a power forward has shifted. Let’s explore a few power forward archetypes who’ve seen success in the modern game and what Kuminga could aspire to:

• Aging stars downshifting to cagey role players (LeBron James, Kevin Durant): They might not have the youthful explosiveness that drove their MVP seasons, but age has distilled these savvy vets down to their essence. These PF’s use efficient pull-ups or pinpoint passes to elevate their teammates. Kuminga’s shot selection is not wise enough for this role.
• A center who plays power forward because the word “power” sounds cooler (Giannis Antetokounmpo): Kuminga lacks the necessary cohort of Greek siblings to fill this role.
• Three point threat with upside (Naz, Julian Champagnie, RJ Barrett): Kuminga is not a consistent enough from deep to play this role.
• I punched Jordan Poole and I liked it (Draymond Green): I don’t see Kuminga matching Draymond’s defensive shit-house-ry.   
• Brute-force ball-handler (Paolo Banchero, Deni Avdija): If Kuminga gets the number of touches that Deni needs to get his, then things have gone terribly wrong for the Timberwolves. Not to mention, no Wolves player has ever had the refs support the way Avdija does.
• Young gun with old-man strength (Stephon Castle, OG Anunoby, Scottie Barnes) OK, now we’re talking. If Kuminga can convince himself to take a backseat to scoring guards, he has the muscle to focus on forceful transition dunks, bait trips to the line, and rebound like he did in Atlanta. How likely is this outcome? Don’t ask Steve Kerr. 

CH: It’s Game 7 in round one vs the Houston Rockets. Who does Chris Finch play in the last five minutes?

ABW: Ant, Gobert, Jaden McDaniels, Ayo Dosunmu, and Inflatable Crunch

CH: Will the Wolves finally win 50 games this year?

ABW: The Wolves will win 49 games.

CH: Before we started this conversation, you had me sign a contract, but I didn’t look too closely at it. Should I be concerned about that?

ABW: Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine; you have such smooth skin. Do you moisturize?