Premier League money has lost all meaning amid chaotic spectacle of excess | Barney Ronay

The transfer window has broken all rational rules and limits, leaving us to marvel and, ultimately, pick up the bill

There was a research study a few years back into a key period in the life of the TV show Location, Location, Location. You know the one. Half an hour of mid-morning drift. Hosted by two people whose common quality is they both look as if the minced essence of Wellington boots, the Volvo XC40 and the phrase “picky bits” has been reconstituted into human shapes, then sent out to judge people for buying houses.

The big reveal was always the bit where they came back a year later and saw how much the value had shifted. Because all conversations about houses are, in the end, an excuse to talk about money. Oh wow, it’s gone up by £20,000. You are good. Oh no, you’re now bankrupt and your flat looks like a hostage cell with fairy lights. Unlucky. You are bad.

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Premier League money has lost all meaning amid chaotic spectacle of excess | Barney Ronay

The transfer window has broken all rational rules and limits, leaving us to marvel and, ultimately, pick up the bill

There was a research study a few years back into a key period in the life of the TV show Location, Location, Location. You know the one. Half an hour of mid-morning drift. Hosted by two people whose common quality is they both look as if the minced essence of Wellington boots, the Volvo XC40 and the phrase “picky bits” has been reconstituted into human shapes, then sent out to judge people for buying houses.

The big reveal was always the bit where they came back a year later and saw how much the value had shifted. Because all conversations about houses are, in the end, an excuse to talk about money. Oh wow, it’s gone up by £20,000. You are good. Oh no, you’re now bankrupt and your flat looks like a hostage cell with fairy lights. Unlucky. You are bad.

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Transfer window verdict: how every Premier League club fared

The British transfer record was equalled and one club signed no fewer than 18 players in another hectic summer

Bringing in Christos Tzolis, Bruno Guimarães and Ezri Konsa was a strong start to the window but could Arsenal’s failure to sign a marquee attacker cost them in the long run? They began targeting Morgan Rogers before pivoting to Vinícius Júnior when the England forward went to Chelsea, only to end up disappointed when Vinícius signed a new deal with Real Madrid. Julián Alvarez made clear he had no intention of joining from Atlético Madrid in the final days of the window and Arsenal kept their powder dry despite sanctioning the exits of Gabriel Jesus to Barcelona and Ethan Nwaneri to Borussia Dortmund. Should Gabriel Martineilli complete his move to Al-Hilal as expected in the coming days – the Saudi Pro League window remains open – a few injuries could leave Arteta short. Ed Aarons

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Aston Villa 0-1 Arsenal: Premier League – as it happened

Bukayo Saka scored the only goal as the champions made it two wins from two and condemned Villa to consecutive defeats

The teams are out! You know what everyone’s wearing. A reduced capacity of around 37,000 at Villa Park, with the North Stand closed for the season to facilitate its expansion. We’ll be off in a couple of minutes.

Pre-match postbag. “Poor Villa. They were so great last year. Then management sells off the heart of their team. Today they will get embarrassed by the Gunners. What a present to their ever loyal fans” – Mary Waltz

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Chelsea’s perfect yet unserious start to the Premier League season | Jonathan Wilson

Xabi Alonso’s side have scored seven and conceded five in two wins so far, a product of the squad’s constant churn

Two Premier League games played for Chelsea under Xabi Alonso: two wins and seven goals scored. It’s the sort of start that would delight many new managers – only two other clubs can boast about a six-point start this Premier League season (albeit with Arsenal to play later on Monday). Points gained in this odd transitional phase, when almost nobody seems quite ready, could prove extremely valuable come the end of the season. And yet, for all the attacking potency, there must also be concerns about Chelsea’s openness and the five goals conceded.

Context must also be considered, and it projects both ways. It’s early in the season. There has been, as ever, a lot of change at Chelsea. They will get better; they will achieve greater coherence. But equally there has to be a sense of realism about the nature of the teams they’ve played. Brighton may have thrashed a shambolic Aston Villa 4-0 last weekend, but they were missing seven frontline players at Stamford Bridge and still put three past Chelsea on Sunday. And while Fulham looked very lively as Chelsea won 3-2 on the opening weekend, they couldn’t muster a shot on target against Sunderland on Sunday.

This is an extract from Soccer Desk, a newsletter from the Guardian US. Subscribe for free here.

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Premier League: 10 talking points from the weekend’s action

Newcastle players look revitalised, Liverpool’s curious transfer strategy and a worrying start for Palace

Amid the concerns at Manchester United, one player unquestioned is Senne Lammens. The goalkeeper produced some important first-half saves against Ipswich to keep his side in the game in difficult circumstances. A relaxed character, the Belgian is a calming influence in an emotional environment, especially with a panicked defence. When Julio Enciso was through on goal, Lammens had to decide when to come and how far, getting his distance and angles perfect to ensure the Paraguay attacker was repelled. His distribution was also excellent, instigating rapid attacks and bringing the dynamism demanded from the modern goalkeeper. Will Unwin

Match report: Manchester United 5-2 Ipswich Town

Reaction: Carrick hails United’s grit after rout of Ipswich

Will Unwin: Rashford return feels like marriage of convenience

Match report: Liverpool 2-2 Nottingham Forest

Reaction: Iraola angered by substitution delay

Match report: Chelsea 4-3 Brighton

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Fernandes fires hat-trick as Manchester United fight back to thrash Ipswich

To follow the claiming of both major footballer of the year awards by scoring a hat-trick in Manchester United’s first home game was some Bruno Fernandes act, and points to an intent to continue his stellar form of last season.

Ipswich Town came to scythe Michael Carrick’s side via the pace of Julio Enciso, Issa Diop and Daizen Maeda, and when Leif Davis gave them a 29th-minute lead victory was on.

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Chelsea 4-3 Brighton, Leeds 1-1 Brentford, Sunderland 1-0 Fulham: Premier League – as it happened

Another high-scoring win for Chelsea as Wilson Isidor sank Fulham and Dominic Calvert-Lewin denied Brentford

Mark Slater gets in touch: “I will be following the Chelsea vs Brighton match particulary, but am happy to see a Joy Division quote in the opening paragraphs. In Chelsea’s case, Brighton and Hove Albion, Manchester City, and Aston Villa most recently...”

Tom: “A+++ for getting Joy Division into the Sunday MBM.”

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Manchester United 5-2 Ipswich Town: Premier League –as it happened

Out come the players, some of them holding babes in arms – including Marcus Rashford, who has a big smile on his face.

The first email of the afternoon comes from Dave. “Hi Tim, loving the MBM.” Thanks! “Just wondered if there’s any insight into why Sesko seems to find it so hard to get a start.”

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Carrick dismisses ‘lazy’ Manchester United criticism and defends Fernandes’ leadership

  • Manager says opening-day defeat just ‘one game’

  • United to be without Carlos Baleba against Ipswich

Michael Carrick has said it was “lazy and easy” to say everything was wrong with Manchester United after the opening-day defeat at Hull.

United lost 2-0 in a tame display and the manager was asked whether his captain, Bruno Fernandes, and Youri Tielemans, Belgium’s captain, had shown the leadership that might have affected the performance and result.

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No country for old men: Premier League grind is why managers are getting younger

The boss in the dugout is typically no longer an ageing former player – most are in their 40s on an exhausting treadmill

One of the problems with getting older is that you’re never quite sure whether it’s you or them. Is the world really changing, or is it just you, struggling to adapt? There’s a milestone in life, probably as you’re contemplating university or a first job, when you realise you’re watching a footballer who is younger than you. Then, 15-20 years later, you realise you’re watching a manager who is younger than you. And 15-20 years after that, especially if you’re watching the modern Premier League, you realise that almost every manager is younger than you.

At which you do two things: give thanks for David Moyes; and check to see whether it’s actually happening, or whether this is just the football equivalent of the policemen-getting-younger cliche.

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Tottenham v Newcastle: Premier League – as it happened

Anthony Elanga and Yoane Wissa got the goals as Newcastle survived a first-half onslaught before consigning Tottenham to back-to-back top flight defeats

Fun fact: Tottenham and Newcastle have met 61 times in the Premier League era without ever playing out a scoreless draw. Today could be the day for a dreary stalemate but it seems unlikely – fingers crossed for a glut of goals.

Premier League: Hull City have made it back-to-back wins upon their return to the top flight, with Liam Millar scoring the only goal of their game at Coventry City to deposit another three precious points in the bank. James Tarkowski left it until added time to cancel out Alex Scott’s opener as Bournemouth were held by Everton at the Vitality Stadium. In today’s early game, Liverpool and Nottingham Forest served up an entertaining 2-2 draw at Anfield, where the hosts had to come from behind twice to rescue a point.

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Liverpool 2-2 Nottingham Forest: Premier League – as it happened

Víctor Muñoz struck an 82nd-minute equaliser for Liverpool against Nottingham Forest in an entertaining Premier League draw at Anfield

The teams are out! Liverpool all in red, Forest wearing a third-choice shirt that looks awfully like a recent Manchester City number. You’ll Never Walk Alone rings out, as Liverpool principal owner John Henry and the new vice-chairman Amit Bhatia watch from the stand. We’ll be off in a minute … and that minute will see fans remember the legendary Kevin Keegan, the star of Bill Shankly’s second great team, who recently passed. The warmest applause from all four corners of the ground, a mosaic on the Kop that reads KEVIN 7, and a chant of One Kevin Keegan.

On the subject of Forest and big-money transfers … David Ornstein of the Athletic was on TNT Sports earlier, reporting the possibility of their buying 19-year-old midfield prospect Harrison Armstrong from Everton for £40m. Should that come to pass, it’ll probably result in the Hill Dickinson toppling into the Mersey, but only after the whole structure is launched a couple of miles into the air by the steam from Everton supporters’ lugs. Armstrong is extremely highly rated, but Forest have pockets full of cash after selling Elliot Anderson to Manchester City, so this one is worth keeping an eye on.

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Premier League: 10 things to look out for this weekend

Liverpool need midfield nous, Michael Carrick is already under pressure and Villa can bid farewell to Enzi Konsa

Enzo Maresca has a shiny new £85m midfielder he could select for a debut but, at 18 years old, he may want Ayyoub Bouaddi to have a bit of time watching on from the bench to learn about the Premier League from his elders. The Moroccan may not have anticipated one of those to be a centre-back by trade. Marc Guéhi will be eager to make a triumphant return to Crystal Palace and may well have the opportunity to do so from central midfield, where he played last weekend in the victory over Bournemouth, scoring the equaliser. The centre-back was a surprise selection in the blocker role next to Elliot Anderson, but equipped himself admirably and was not limited to the dirty work, often being found in more advanced positions in open play and happy to have the ball at his feet. His long-term future is unlikely to be outside of defence but further proof of Guéhi’s adaptability will be a positive for Maresca, as a long season awaits. Will Unwin

Crystal Palace v Manchester City, Friday 8pm (all times BST)

Liverpool v Nottingham Forest, Saturday 12.30pm

Bournemouth v Everton, Saturday 3pm

Coventry v Hull, Saturday 3pm

Tottenham v Newcastle, Saturday 5.30pm

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