
Continuation of the “What If” Wolves series. In this series, I play the role of Timberwolves Overlord and go back in time and right some of the wrongs of our favorite franchise. Since this is the Timberwolves, there are a lot of wrongs. This series may go on forever.
Let me start by saying that unlike my wife, I do not believe conspiracy theories. Second shooter during the JFK assassination – doubtful. The Moon landing was fake – that would be the most expensive joke ever. Frozen envelope for the Ewing draft – seems like it could have been done, but come on.
There is however one conspiracy theory that I wholeheartedly believe, but this one has some backing.
Going into the 1992 NBA Draft Lottery, the Minnesota Timberwolves had the worst record in the NBA at 15-67. Just 15 wins! I have no idea how Head Coach Jimmy Rodgers was allowed near a basketball court after that (He was fired after starting the next season with a 6-23 record). That terrible finish to the season meant that the Wolves had the best odds (16.67%) to land the number one overall pick in the 1992 NBA Draft. The prize of that draft being Shaquille O’Neal, a monster center from LSU.
Every team wanted Shaq, even teams with All-NBA centers wanted this guy. I was no different.

So where does the conspiracy theory enter the story?
While being interviewed by Ashley Nevel of the Ashley Nevel Show, Shaq let the conspiracy bomb drop and basically confirmed my belief that the NBA was out to screw me and my fandom over and over again. Shaq goes on to tell the story of meeting NBA Commissioner David Stern in March of 1992. During this meeting, Stern asked Shaq “Do you want to play where it’s cold or where it’s hot?” Shaq, being from Louisiana obviously said “hot”.
Stern gave a wry smile after the answer.
A few days pass and the lottery is held. Well guess what kids? Wolves got screwed. The “cold” Wolves dropped down to third overall and the “hot” Orlando Magic move up to #1. Tears. Literal tears. Not tears of sadness, this was pure rage tears.
I’m still fuming over this as I type. Let’s refocus…
So, the Wolves dropped a couple of spots down to the #3 overall pick. Not too bad (even though it was the lowest they could go). This was a three-player draft by most accounts. Shaq was the consensus #1 pick. Alonzo Mouning, a defensive stud from Georgetown, was slotted for #2. Naismith College Player of the Year and future Dream Team member, Christian Laettner, was the easy third pick.
And that is exactly how the draft played out for the first three picks. O’Neal to Orlando Magic at #1, Mourning to the Charlotte Hornets at #2, and Laettner to the Minnesota Timberwolves at #3. Now you may be thinking, “Back-to-Back NCAA Championships, College Player of the Year, and a Dream Teamer? Sign me up!” If you think that, you are wrong and I hate you.
Man, I hated Duke.
In the 90’s I loved watching two college basketball teams, the UNLV Running Rebels and the Michigan Wolverines, also known as the “Fab Five”. I hated Duke at the time. Duke was boring and fundamentally sound. Plain vanilla. UNLV and the Fab Five were exciting. They played fast and were crazy aggressive. The players all had flair and an attitude to them. They even had cool nicknames. Stacey Augmon was “The Plastic Man”! Is there a better nickname than that? What was Bobby Hurley’s nickname, Bounce Pass Bobby? Plus, the Rebels and “Fab Five” looked awesome with their baggy shorts and black Nikes/black sock combination.
Basically, the opposite of Duke.

Laettner was the lone college player selected to the Dream Team. Now Laettner did not play much in the Olympics, despite the Dream Team beating everybody by 200 points. But who cares? After all, he is in the Basketball Hall of Fame…for being on the Olympic roster. His NBA career had more playing time, but his output would not lead to another Olympic roster spot.
Let me just state that Laettner was okay for the Wolves. He was the best player on the team right away, which isn’t saying much. For his Wolves career, Laettner averaged 17.2 points and 8.1 rebound per game. But the Timberwolves ended up trading him halfway through his fourth year in the league to Atlanta (traded Laettner along with Sean Rooks for Andrew Lang and SPUD WEBB!!!). Those were decent stats, so why trade him?
Well, from what I have read, he was a terrible teammate. There is a story of his time with the Wolves where he went into the locker room and started pointing at each of his teammates nameplates above their respective stalls, calling them all losers, before calling himself a winner.
“Loser… loser… loser… loser… loser… loser… loser… loser… loser… loser… loser… winner.”
True asshole move, but it would have been awesome to have seen him do that if front of his teammates.
Now I can’t even imagine the scrutiny that Laettner was dealing with at the time. He went from being a back-to-back national champion, winning every individual award at the college level, and winning a gold medal with the Dream Team, to being on the worst team in the NBA.
But still, screw that guy.

Shaq on the Wolves would have been amazing. He was dominant from day one in the league. He was an athletic giant that dunked EVERYTHING. He was a runaway train when he decided to take a rebound from one end of the court to another. He was the definition of must see television.
My two favorite moments are when he broke two backboards. Not the rims. Backboards. One was in New Jersey where he dunked so hard that the metal frame holding the backboard broke and came crashing onto the parquet court. The shot clock even hit Shaq on the head when this happened. Shaq just smiled at the shot clock.
The second was in Phoenix. This time he dunked the ball with such force that he broke the hydraulic system that kept the backboard vertical. After he dunked the ball, the backboard station shook for a bit then slowly wheezed as it lowered itself to the ground. It was hilarious and awesome.
Shaq went on to win an MVP award, four NBA championships, multiple All-NBA teams, named one of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History, and is in multiple Hall of Fames. The Magic got the number one pick the following year as well (1.5% chance), while the Wolves dropped to number five (second-best odds at #1 pick, 15.15%). The Magic selected Chris Webber from the “Fab Five”, then traded him to Golden State for Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway and three first round picks. Great trade at the time, but injuries derailed Penny’s career.
The Wolves ended up going with Isaiah “JR” Rider at fifth. I loved watching JR play. He was the most exciting player that the Wolves had ever had up to that point. Rider would get into some legal trouble here and there, so the Wolves shipped him to Portland for a bag of pure hot trash (Bill Curley, James Robinson, and a pick that would turn into Paul Grant. Like I said, pure hot trash).

Since I don’t believe in conspiracy theories, except the Shaq to “where it’s hot,” I’ll have to rely on the Wayback Machine to change this history for the “What if” Wolves.
Dream Team selects Shaq instead of Laettner. Shaq along with Charles Barkley start a war with Angola (Chuck elbowed a guy from Angola. I think the announcer, maybe Bill Walton, said that Barkley shouldn’t be handing out elbows, he should hand out sandwiches to the skinnier Angolan players.)
Shaq wants a change of pace from hot Louisiana and tells Stern he wants to be “cold”. Minnesota wins the lottery and takes O’Neal #1 overall. Wolves then trade center Luc Longley, Tony Campbell, and a future second round pick to Orlando for their 1993 first round pick and Sam Vincent (In this history, the Magic are acting how the real Wolves would have and did not protect their first round pick).
Shaq goes on to wreak havoc throughout the league. Spalding stock slides because Shaq breaks an average of 1.25 backboards per game. Wolves win their first title by going 68-10-4 (the “4” represents games that could not be finished due to no rims remaining).
The Magic pick lands at spot number three. Wolves draft Penny Hardaway, who enjoys a relatively injury-free career. Back-to-back titles. Shaq and Penny go on to lead the Wolves to 10 NBA titles before Shaq retires to focus on his movie career, where he wins an Oscar for his work starring in the Fast and Furious franchise (Bonus, Vin Diesel never happens).
And if it makes you feel better about the Laettner bashing. Let’s say he goes to the Charlotte Hornets at number two and gets to stay in North Carolina. The Duke fans shower him with praise during a 15-year career as a lifelong Hornet.
But I still hate him.











