Aaron Judge has done some version of this exit interview every autumn for a decade now, standing in front of cameras, trying to explain why this generation of Yankees -- his generation of Yankees -- cannot get October right.
But this time, as the Yankee captain atoned, a cheer and laughter floated out of a meeting room where a mix of coaches and a few lingering players were debriefing out of sight.
The only acknowledgement Judge gave the outburst in the moment was a long stare over the cameras in that direction. As soon as the cameras dispersed, however, Judge walked over to the meeting room, peered through a crack in the door, then walked in. He walked out a few seconds later. Asked then if hearing the laughter and cheering bothered him, he sighed.
"You know the answer to that," he said.
An hour had passed since the last out, long enough for the initial sting to pass for some. For Judge, however, the pain and pressure are just compounding. A few minutes earlier, Aaron Boone had described the clubhouse as "broken" by the loss, and in most corners, it seemed that way. Ben Rice looked dead-eyed as he brushed off every question about his own success and declared the year a failure. Max Fried’s blank stare rivaled Rice’s, and he seemed no closer to getting over the pitch that turned into Ryan Vilade’s eventual game-winning swing in the fifth.
Even Jazz Chisholm Jr., who has earned a reputation for nonchalance, could not hide how he was affected by the outcome: He refused to stand in front of the usual Yankees backdrop, gave several "no comments," and lashed out briefly at his manager and fans alike while also explaining how much he loves to be a Yankee. Everyone processes disappointment differently, of course.
But Judge is feeling it more acutely than most. He is 34 now, officially old enough to wonder how many more chances he might get. Every October is a referendum on his legacy, on this Yankees era, on him as a player and him as a leader and the franchise to which he committed his career. Yet whether because of or despite him, whether in talent or mindset, the Yankees always seem to lack that elusive October mettle.
"There’s a standard to winning a championship. It’s black and white. It’s a no-brainer. It’s every day you show up to work, every little thing you do is are you working towards a championship or you’re not?" Judge said. "I think that’s the biggest thing: Everybody in the room understanding you have to bring it every single day. Especially here in New York, you have to bring it every single day. There’s no days off. Yeah, it just comes down to the little things."
Judge has spent all those years thinking about little things, both on the field with his finely tuned swing, to the way he chooses every word carefully in moments like these. Exactly what little things he meant is in the eye of the beholder, though everything from the Yankees defense in Game 2 to their inability to apply consistent offensive pressure on opponents might have qualified.
Perhaps a better defensive roster, with fewer hit-first types who play the same position, could have helped them withstand the Rays' tendency to pepper the defense. Perhaps a more versatile offensive roster, with a few more players whose contact skills put pressure on a defense, could have helped them avoid prolonged offensive futility in the regular season and falling just short in Game 3.
"We’re the Yankees. I feel like [Hal Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman] should go all in and do what they need to do. If we got holes, if it’s finding a certain players or personnel, whatever we need, you gotta go out there and get it," Judge said. "That’s why I signed back here to play with the Yankees: To fight for a championship every single year. To go all in. That’s what I do every offseason, to get ready to give this team and this city everything we’ve got. I expect them to do the same."
By all accounts, Judge tried to give the Yankees what he could on a strained calf muscle in this postseason, even though Boone and others decided he wasn’t ready. Judge expressed frustration when Boone all but ruled him out of the Wild Card Series before his star had personally conceded. Two weeks after an injury that takes double that time to heal in the best scenario. He pushed his calf through live batting practice sessions in the hopes of being ready for the Division Series, too.
"I’m feeling great," he said, when asked if he felt he could have played. "That’s why I was pushing for it."
But for all the public back-and-forth about whether he would be available this series or next, Cashman said Wednesday Judge did not come as close to being ready for the ALDS as the superstar’s posturing made it seem.
"Physically, he wasn’t in a position to -- in the end, he wasn’t physically able to," Cashman said. "I know what he would like to do, but that’s the warrior in him. Physically, he wasn’t a choice."
Judge addressed the Yankees after the loss, though he said he wanted to keep the message "in house." He does that with most things, except the things he wants to make sure everyone – including the Yankees front office – hears clearly.
"I want to trade for everybody, sign everybody every single year, but I know that’s not realistic," Judge said. "[The front office] give us a winning team every year, but that’s not good enough here in New York. We’re the Yankees. You have to go out there and expect championships and go all in every year."
Next time Judge’s season ends, he will be 35. This ultra-deep Yankees starting rotation will be a year older. Health is no guarantee for him or for them. On his watch, the Yankees are enduring the second-longest World Series drought in franchise history. For the captain of the Yankees, another October without a championship can never be a laughing matter.
