Author: Scott Murray

Will Osula scored a majestic 90th-minute solo goal to secure the points – deservedly so - for ten-man Toon

2 min: Newcastle get onto the front foot immediately. Hall bombs down the left; Trippier probes down the right. Shaw looks to have tugged Trippier back, but the referee waves play on. Not too much in the way of fume from the players, but the fans aren’t happy that’s for sure.

Manchester United get the ball rolling. They’re kicking towards the Gallowgate in this first half.

The Gunners won a local stramash by two corners to one

4 min: A fairly shapeless start, actually. “The best pints are Thursday night.” Hello Ian McCourt, formerly of this parish. “Or about 1.30pm on a Friday.”

2 min: A mid-octane start to the game. No real shape yet, though it’s obvious that Palmer is prowling the left wing today, opposite to his usual beat.

Antoine Semenyo’s goal in first-half stoppage time was enough for City to close the gap on Arsenal at the top

Here come the teams! Leeds wear white, just as The Don decreed all those years ago. Manchester City in second-choice black, as per their Puma contract. A rare old atmosphere at Elland Road, as there always is, the home fans Marching On Together. We’ll be off in a couple of minutes!

Sky have also just flashed up an intriguing stat that we may as well nick bears repeating. As mentioned in the preamble, during half time of the corresponding fixture in Manchester last November, Daniel Farke switched things around, changing to a back three, and nearly pulled off a great comeback …

City closed the gap on Arsenal at the top thanks to two first-half goals from Nico O’Reilly

Newcastle get the ball rolling! “No-one actually believes we’ll win this game, do they?” sighs Toon fan Chris Paraskevas. “I mean the last time we won at the Etihad, the goal-scorers were Moussa Sissoko (now ruining his reputation at Panathinaikos with Rafa Benitez) and Ryan Taylor.”

The teams are out. Manchester City, in sky blue, are given a guard of honour by members of their 1976 League Cup winning side. The 50th anniversary of that victory, over Newcastle, comes up next week. The Toon in third-choice blue. As for the weather, Bert Challenor, the talent scout from Comedians by Trevor Griffiths, says it best: “I’ll never understand why they don’t run boats to Manchester.” We’ll be off in a minute.

Bottom-of-the-table Wolves came from two down to end a nine-game losing streak against leaders Arsenal, and throw the title race wide open

2 min: It’s not a pleasant evening weather-wise. It’s raining in the West Midlands, and that rain could turn to sleet or snow later. Slapstick entertainment not yet off the menu.

Wolves get the ball rolling. “A quiet night is wanted, I think, from all parties, at least in the sense of avoiding the ghastly shenanigans on view in the notorious match last night,” begins Charles Antaki, who speaks for us all. “Raucous is good, animated is fine, full bloodedness welcome, but none of the other stuff, please. British football has been pretty free of it these last years, for which we should all be grateful.”

Keane Lewis-Potter’s equaliser earned the Bees a deserved point as Arsenal dropped two in the title race

3 min: … but then Gabriel inexplicably toe-punts a wild backpass out for a corner. So careless. An early chance for Brentford to cause some of that six-yard-box chaos their manager was talking about before the game.

2 min: Brentford stroke it around a bit. Then Arsenal stroke it around a bit. One of those starts.

Sunderland finally lost this season at the Stadium of Light, Virgil van Dijk making the difference with his second-half header

2 min: … the ball’s played back to Angulo, who tries to trick Alisson at his near post. The keeper reads the danger and claims. That’s got the home fans, already giving it plenty, going some. Meanwhile here’s Peter Oh: “Liverpool have had such bad luck with injuries, shipping comical last-gasp goals, and suspensions. How could things possibly get worse? Running into eleven Black Cats maybe? Sigh.”

1 min: It has been belting down on Wearside all day. It’s still raining. Windy as well. And Sunderland are on the front foot early doors, Mukiele in space on the right and winning a very early corner off Robertson. From which …

Benjamin Šeško rescued a point for Manchester United deep into injury time to keep Michael Carrick’s unbeaten record intact

That version of Bubbles with the bouncy bassline ends, the whistle goes, and Manchester United get the ball rolling. A roar from all four corners.

The teams are out! West Ham United sport their famous claret and blue, while Manchester United wear their second-choice kit of “snowflake … with flashes of purple and lilac.” A rare old noise at the London Stadium ahead of a fixture that delivers, one way or another, more often than not. We’ll be off in a minute!