Category: West Ham United FC

West Ham United FC News

Oct 14

Chris Wood equalises late for Burnley to thwart 10-man West Ham

Some games are defined by false nines. This was a match that, for better and worse, revolved around old-fashioned target men. Long before Chris Wood headed Burnley’s equaliser, Andy Carroll had made a dramatic departure, dismissed for two challenges th…

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Oct 13

Burnley v West Ham United: match preview

Burnley’s best start to a top flight season since 1975 has been fuelled mostly by points gained away from home, surprising considering their meagre haul on their travels last season. Sean Dyche will need to record his first Premier League win over West…

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Oct 03

Joe Hart: ‘Playing for England was what other people did, I just supported’

England’s goalkeeper will surpass Gordon Banks’ 73 caps when he lines up against Slovenia on Thursday and still dreams of achieving that ‘special moment’

Joe Hart has first-hand experience of that sickening sense of helplessness, the one that grips any opponent whenever the ball veers towards Harry Kane alone inside the penalty area. He endured it a little over a week ago at the London Stadium. He would have been aware out of the corner of his eye of the forward loitering menacingly in the centre as he watched Dele Alli break beyond West Ham United’s defence and sprint down the left side of his box. Hart was still chuntering at that concession when, moments later, he blocked Alli’s shot with his right thigh only to see the loose ball dribble inexorably onto the striker’s left foot.

There was an inevitability about everything that followed, the goalkeeper’s desperate dive, with Hart left lowering his head to the turf in frustration. Everything Kane touches at present is flying in. The only consolation for the Manchester City loanee is that for the next few days at least, Kane is a team-mate rather than an adversary.

Related: Sean Maguire: ‘If you take that second touch, defenders are going to go through you’

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Sep 30

Diafra Sakho hits West Ham’s winner in basement battle against Swansea

Diafra Sakho, the man who tried to engineer a move to Rennes on the final day of the transfer window, lifted the pressure on Slaven Bilic when he settled a dreadful game in West Ham’s favour with a winner in the 90th minute.

Bilic limps on, safe from the sack for now. He faced mutiny from the London Stadium crowd at times, not least when he chose to replace Javier Hernández with Sakho with 12 minutes to go, but the change was justified when Sakho converted a cross from another substitute, Arthur Masuaku, to lift West Ham to 15th.

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Sep 30

Manchester United 4-0 Crystal Palace, West Ham 1-0 Swansea and more – as it happened

Crystal Palace lost a seventh successive game while late goals swung matches at West Ham and West Brom

5.18pm BST

Related: Marouane Fellaini double sinks Crystal Palace as Manchester United march on

5.17pm BST

Related: Marouane Fellaini double sinks Crystal Palace as Manchester United march on

Related: Richarlison’s late header salvages draw for Watford at West Bromwich Albion

Related: Bournemouth stay in bottom three after failing to break down Leicester

Related: Peter Crouch scores late winner as Stoke City edge out Southampton

Related: Diafra Sakho hits West Ham’s winner in basement battle against Swansea

5.11pm BST

Right then, I’m off in search of a basket of biscuits. It’s been a blast. Bye!

5.10pm BST

Peter Crouch does some grinning:

They threw everything at us. I thought they played well today, Southampton. Thankfully we held out, dug in and got the three points. When you get an opportunity you just try to make an impact. It’s the best impact, scoring a goal. Of course it was important that we got the win today, after a couple of bad results. It’s a dark place to be, the training ground, when everyone’s away and you’ve lost before the international break.

5.06pm BST

I’m still here, but the action is moving elsewhere, and Scott Murray has another liveblog for you:

Related: Chelsea v Manchester City: Premier League – live!

5.03pm BST

“Paris St Germain appear to be decapitating Bordeaux, putting the bonce in the basket five times in the half!” reports Paul Carrington. This is the first time this has ever happened.

5 – El París SG ha marcado cinco goles en un primer tiempo de un partido de Ligue 1 por primera vez en su historia. Manita.

4.58pm BST

Double substitution of the day: Slaven Bilic brought Masuako and Sakho on in the 78th minute of their game against Swansea, and 12 minutes later Masuako ran down the left and crossed, and Sakho scored the winner. Was that the moment that saved Bilic’s job (for now)?

4.56pm BST

Final scores: Stoke have beaten Southampton by two goals to one! And also, West Ham have beaten Swansea by a single goal to no goals!

4.55pm BST

He’s done it again reporting live from my hospital bed @richarlison97

4.55pm BST

Final score: That is the final meaningful moment of the match, as West Brom have blown a two-goal lead and take just a point from Watford.

4.54pm BST

GOAL! West Brom 2-2 Watford (Richarlison, 90+5 mins)

Watford take a free-kick, four and a half minutes into the advertised four minutes of stoppage time. Everyone goes up. The goalkeeper’s in there. Holebas swings in a lovely cross, and Richarlison heads in!

4.52pm BST

Aha, an aspect of American culture about which I was unaware: they put scones into baskets and then call them biscuits. Also, as Richard Morris points out, scampi come in baskets. And bread.

@Simon_Burnton ‘Biscuits in baskets’ is a common sight in southern US kitchens and restaurants. (Ours are the ‘good’ kind of biscuit)

4.51pm BST

Final score: Manchester United have beaten Crystal Palace by four goals to none.

4.51pm BST

And as I type that Birmingham score a morale-boosting consolation – it’s 6-1!

4.50pm BST

Birmingham are in the bottom three and their goal difference is taking an absolute battering: it’s now Hull 6-0 Birmingham.

4.48pm BST

GOAL! West Ham 1-0 Swansea (Sakho, 90 mins)

A low cross from the left, a flying leg flung out at the far post, and West Ham have stolen the points!

4.46pm BST

Paris St-Germain are 5-1 up against Bordeaux, and it isn’t half-time yet.

4.45pm BST

“‘Yes, they put the baby in the basket and sent it up the Nile! Ladies and Gentlemen.’ Priceless,” daydreams Becket DeChant. It could happen.

4.44pm BST

GOAL! Stoke 2-1 Southampton (Crouch, 85 mins)

That, it must be said, is scrappy. The ball pings about the penalty for a while before being kicked into Peter Crouch’s leg, and from there it flies in!

4.43pm BST

GOAL! Manchester United 4-0 Crystal Palace (Lukaku, 86 mins)

That is a tap-in for Lukaku, who is all alone to convert Lingard’s low centre!

4.42pm BST

GOALS! In Romania, it’s Rapid 0-3 Academia Rapid. This is embarrassing for Rapid, isn’t it?

4.39pm BST

More news from north of the border: Celtic no longer losing! Callum McGregor has his second of the day, and it’s 2-2.

4.39pm BST

“Lotion. Lotion is put in the basket. Also baby Moses. And kittens,” writes Kári Tulinius. I’m not convinced about lotion baskets, but I would love to hear a commentator use the baby Moses one.

4.37pm BST

It’s an absolute goal fiesta!

GOAL!!! @HullCity 5 (Markus Henriksen) @BCFC 0 #HULBIR

4.35pm BST

Scotland update: I say update, but it’s the first mention of the Scots today. Anyway, big news: Celtic are losing a dometic football match! It’s Celtic 1-2 Hibernian!

4.34pm BST

GOAL! Stoke 1-1 Southampton (Yoshida, 75 mins)

A corner from the left is cleared back to the taker, and this cross is flicked on and flies to Yoshida at the far post, who lashes in a lightning volley that crashes into the roof of the net!

4.32pm BST

Meanwhile the teams for the evening game in the Premier League are in:

Chelsea: Courtois, Rudiger, Christensen, Cahill, Azpilicueta, Kante, Bakayoko, Fabregas, Alonso, Hazard, Morata. Subs: Caballero, Pedro, Moses, Kenedy, Zappacosta, Willian, Batshuayi.
Man City: Ederson, Walker, Stones, Otamendi, Delph, De Bruyne, Fernandinho, Silva, Sane, Gabriel Jesus, Sterling. Subs: Bravo, Danilo, Gundogan, Mangala, Bernardo Silva, Alexander Zinchenko, Toure.
Referee: Martin Atkinson.

Here is today’s team… #CHEMCI

Here we go… The team is in!

What do you make of our @HaysWorldwide line-up? #cfcvcity

4.29pm BST

Meanwhile in Paris, these two are both on the scoresheet and appear to have made friends. PSG lead Bordeaux 3-0, in the first half.

4.26pm BST

A chance for Crystal Palace at Old Trafford, but Sako’s first-time effort flies over.

@Simon_Burnton But one puts MUSHROOMS into baskets! I would love this to be established in the football vocabulary 😀

4.23pm BST

Watford are dominating the game as they search for an equaliser at the Hawthorns, but the best they seem to be able to do is shoot from the edge of the area, and most of those efforts get blocked or deflected. Holebas just curled a lovely corner into the area, but nobody got a touch – Kabasele came closest, and some Watford players seemed to believe/hope that he’d been pushed. The referee was not convinced.

4.21pm BST

Those aren’t biscuits, they’re rubbish scones.


4.19pm BST

The thrashing of the day appears to be taking place at Burton, where Wolves are now 4-0 up. Leo Bonatini has scored the latest.

4.17pm BST

And now it’s Preston 2-2 Sunderland, both teams scoring in the space of three minutes! Sunderland were briefly behind.

4.17pm BST

@Simon_Burnton I’m an expat Canuck in Costa Rica, so ice hockey was my game. Let’s borrow one for a goal: ‘He put the biscuit in the basket’

Lovely alliteration, but totally senseless. Who puts biscuits into baskets?

4.15pm BST

Meanwhile in the Championship it’s now Preston 1-1 Sunderland, as the good times stubbornly refuse to roll for the visitors.

4.12pm BST

“How about ‘Fills the stocking like Santa’,” suggests William Ansell. Not strictly mesh-based, but it’s got a nice festive ring about it.

4.09pm BST

Today’s key Rashford-related statistics:

9 – Marcus Rashford has now been involved in nine goals in his last 10 competitive games for @ManUtd (five goals, four assists). Busy.

2 – This is the first time that Marcus Rashford has assisted two goals in a single game for @ManUtd. Creator.

4.07pm BST

Palace should probably have had a penalty there. Schlupp got into the penalty area where Smalling tugged his shirt and gave him a gentle shove, but the referee was unimpressed.

4.06pm BST

Rashford’s cross for that goal was perfection. Laser-guided.

4.05pm BST

GOAL! Manchester United 3-0 Crystal Palace (Fellaini, 48 mins)

A free kick on the left is crossed in by Rashford, and Fellaini is about two yards out and bizarrely unmarked when it flicks off his forehead and can go nowhere but in.

4.03pm BST

Game back on! The second half has started at Old Trafford, with the rest of the country not far behind.

4.02pm BST

“Talk of Wigan v Castleford brings to mind what is surely the greatest (and most colourful) piece of sports commentary ever recorded,” writes Lewis Jones. Nice tip, it is very good.

4.01pm BST

On the other hand, maybe it’s best avoided. “Rather than West Ham v Swansea ‘live’ on your headline can I suggest a half time substitution of ‘live’ with ‘moribund’,” writes Ian Sargeant, who is at the game.

3.59pm BST

“I’ve just got home from work, it’s 12.52am in Australia a nice bottle of Pinot open,” writes Dominic Talimanidis. “I have the option of watching any game for the next 45. Which would you recommend?” I’d recommend going to bed and then finding a different job in the morning, but failing that I think the Hawthorns has been action central in the first half and is a good option, but West Ham v Swansea might turn interesting.

3.57pm BST

The last time Michael Oliver refereed a game between West Brom and Watford, Saido Berahino had two penalties saved. The striker might have switched teams, but we’re still on for an unlikely repeat today.

Related: Heurelho Gomes’s double penalty heroics help Watford past West Brom

3.55pm BST

“Your reference to George Honeyman ‘popping one in the onion bag’ sounds straight out of a Roy of the Rovers annual circa 1976,” writes Ewen Atkinson. “Another I recall from back then is: ‘Pick that one out of the lobster pot!’ Mind you, that could be from Billy’s Boots. Do other readers know of any affectionate mesh-based metaphorical imagery for proper sets of goals with nets?” Ooh, maybe we can invent our own? “Thumps it in the noughts-and-crosses grid”, perhaps?

3.49pm BST

Premier League half-time scores:

Bournemouth 0-0 Leicester
Manchester United 2-0 Crystal Palace
Stoke 1-0 Southampton
West Brom 2-1 Watford
West Ham 0-0 Swansea

3.47pm BST

GET IN!!! Wait… what? #wafc

3.46pm BST

Half time whistles ring out across the land, and at Wigan the scoreboard engineer gets to work:

Boos around the DW Stadium as the scoreboard temporarily reads:



3.44pm BST

Fraser Forster saves the penalty! Berahino sidefoots low to his right, but it’s not very hard and not very close to the corner, and once the Southampton goalkeeper goes the right way he can hardly fail to stop it!

3.43pm BST

Could Saido Berahino score an actual goal? He’s placed the ball on the spot …

3.42pm BST

And now Stoke have a penalty! And Virgil van Dijk, on his return to the Southampton team, has given it away!

3.41pm BST

GOAL! Stoke 1-0 Southampton (Diouf, 40 mins)

A corner from the right is fizzed into the area, and Diouf flashes a header home!

3.40pm BST

Mata and Fellaini on the scoresheet, and Barney Ronay must be feeling a bit chuffed.

Related: Mata-Marouane: the Moyesian odd couple nearing a United redemption | Barney Ronay

3.38pm BST

GOAL! West Brom 2-1 Watford (Doucouré, 37 mins)

This is goaltastic stuff at the Hawthorns. Deeney flicks on, Richarlison touches to Doucouré, and he takes the ball into the area and then shoots across goal with his left foot. It clips Evans on its way, making the keeper’s task a little harder, and nestles inside the far post!

3.36pm BST

GOAL! Manchester United 2-0 Crystal Palace (Fellaini, 35 mins)

Ashley Young does exactly what he did last week – jink this way and that on the left wing, square up the defender, then shift the ball to his right foot and curl in a delicious cross. This one picks out Fellaini, just beyond the far post, who volleys in!

3.34pm BST

… and then down the other end Carillo has headed over an empty net from five yards!

3.33pm BST

At the Hawthorns the home side have another corner, from the right this time, Hegazi and Evans go for the same ball at the back post again, and this time the Egyptian gets there first, and heads over.

3.29pm BST

Sunderland are winning a game! George Honeyman has popped one in the onion bag at Preston.

27′ #SAFC lead 1-0 through @GHoneyman10

3.28pm BST

It’s Rapid Buchurest v Academia Rapid in Romania’s Liga IV today, which appears to have thrown the fans a bit.

Rapid vs Rapid right now in the 4th league. The fans decided not to attend the game because they couldn’t decide who to support. Not a joke.

3.23pm BST

GOAL! West Brom 2-0 Watford (Evans, 21 mins)

And another! A corner from the left is flicked on at the near post and bundled in by Evans at the far, despite Hegazy trying to take him out in an effort to get the goal for himself!

3.20pm BST

GOAL! West Brom 1-0 Watford (Rondon, 18 mins)

That’s pure power, strength and perseverance from Rondon! Kabasele tried to usher him safely down the left, with nobody about to offer support, but Rondon fought for the ball, kept the ball, and then lashed it in from an acute angle!

3.14pm BST

Talking of fast-starting, orange-wearing Championship teams, Hull are already 2-0 up against Birmingham. David Meyler has just doubled their lead from the penalty spot.

3.11pm BST

Further action in those two Championship games: Sheffield United are no longer winning, Jason Cummings having equalised for Forest, and Wolves are now two up, Romain Saiss doubling their lead.

3.10pm BST

“I keep watching Roy Hodgson’s eyes when he gets interviewed to see if – like the heroic American prisoner during the Vietnam War, Admiral Jeremiah Denton Jr – he keeps blinking out ‘T-O-R-T-U-R-E’ in Morse Code, as he strains to look on the bright side of life as the manager of Crystal Palace,” writes Steven Hughes. Hodgson’s face when United took the lead was a picture, similar to Kevin Keegan’s when Newcastle conceded a fourth at Liverpool that time, only a lot sooner.

3.08pm BST

Half a chance for Palace there, as a free-kick from the right wing finds Sakho in the area, but the defender heads high.

3.07pm BST

It’s all going on at the top of the Championship, where John Lundstram put Sheffield United 1-0 up against Nottingham Forest in the third minute, and Diogo Jota put Wolves 1-0 up at Burton Albion in the fifth.

3.04pm BST

GOAL! Manchester United 1-0 Crystal Palace (Mata, 3 mins)

It’s going to be a long afternoon for Crystal Palace, I fear. Good work from Rashford on the left, tricking his way past an opponent and running into the area, and then a good pull-back (he may in fact have been aiming for Lukaku, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt), and the calmest of sidefoot finishes.

3.02pm BST

Harry Kane at the moment (all the time, except August). Unstoppable.

.@SpursOfficial have now set a new Premier League club record of 6 consecutive away wins.

3.00pm BST

3pm: and they’re off!

2.57pm BST

Players are leaving tunnels. Football is about to happen. Lots of it.

2.38pm BST

I am concerned, the law of averages say Crystal Palace is due to score goals

Hmmm. That may be true, but having looked at the line-ups I think they are also due to concede a few.

2.37pm BST

“That Blackburn mascot looks like he got hold of some bad chicken,” suggests JR. “What is that thing anyway? That’s not Roar the Lion. Where did Roar go? What did the Venkys do with him?” He’s probably been turned into chicken nuggets, I suppose.

2.22pm BST

Here’s José Mourinho on playing Crystal Palace, and on bringing Chris Smalling into the side in place of Eric Bailly:

Thoughts is, I trust everyone. Smalling, it’s the second game in three days. For Bailly it would be the third game in six. It doesn’t matter who you play against, I think every team in the Premier League, is a team that can take points in every stadium. I think we’re playing well, we’re respecting opponents and that’s what we’re going to try to do again.

2.17pm BST

Hang on, when did Blackburn’s mascot become absolutely terrifying?

2.15pm BST

Roy Hodgson talks about his team’s chances at Old Trafford. Reading between the lines, he appears to think they’ve got no chance.

We’re sorely wounded today. To come here without six first-team players, to lose Scott Dann in training yesterday was a further blow. I’d have liked to have come here with what I consider our strongest team. I think we’ll see improvements, but whether they’ll be evident today against a team of this quality, we’ll have to wait and see. I think there are signs that our team is getting stronger, and we won’t be playing Manchester United 38 times.

2.09pm BST

If you’d like to have all the Premier League teams in one place, in entirely textual form, this is for you:

2.05pm BST

And here are the teams chosen by Manchester United and an admirably graphic-eschewing Crystal Palace:

Here it is – today’s #MUFC team for

Palace XI v @MUFC: Hennessey, Ward, Sakho, Delaney, Van Aanholt, Townsend, Milivojevic, Cabaye, Schlupp, Puncheon, Sako.

2.03pm BST

Stoke make four changes, bringing in Cameron, Wimmer, Zouma and Berahino. One change for Southampton: Virgil van Dijk is back in the fold.

#SCFC Starting XI v @SouthamptonFC: Butland; Zouma, Cameron, Wimmer; Diouf, Allen, Fletcher, Pieters; Shaqiri, Choupo-Moting; Berahino.

The teams are in!

Here’s how #SaintsFC line-up for today’s #PL away meeting with #SCFC:

2.02pm BST

Rondon, Brunt and Phillips come into the West Brom team. Troy Deeney makes his first start of the season for Watford, replacing Andre Gray.

Our team to face @WatfordFC

Come on you Baggies!#WBAWAT #COYB #WBA

| #watfordfc XI v @WBA: Gomes (GK); Femenía, Mariappa, Kabasele, Holebas; Doucouré, Capoue; Carrillo, Cleverley, Richarlison; Deeney (C).

2.01pm BST

So it begins, with West Ham and Swansea announcing their line-ups. Two changes for West Ham, three for Swansea:

Here’s how the #Swans will line up against @WestHamUtd this afternoon… #WHUSWA

1.57pm BST

Three minutes to teamnews o’clock. The build-up to 3pm starts here!

10.42am BST

Hello world!

So another busy Saturday afternoon awaits. Goals, excitement, intrigue – we’re going to enjoy them all* together over the next few hours. Without further ado, then, today’s incredibly awesome fixtures:

Related: Bournemouth v Leicester City: match preview

Related: Manchester United v Crystal Palace: match preview

Related: Stoke City v Southampton: match preview

Related: West Bromwich Albion v Watford: match preview

Related: West Ham United v Swansea City: match preview

Continue reading…

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Sep 29

West Ham United v Swansea City: match preview

Slaven Bilic finds himself under far more pressure than Paul Clement even though West Ham only lie a point below Swansea. Bilic desperately needs a win after last week’s defeat to Tottenham and it is likely to be a tense afternoon at the London Stadium. Swansea have lacked a goal threat this season, but they held Tottenham at Wembley and have been tough to break down away from home. Jacob Steinberg

Kick-off Saturday 3pm

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Sep 29

Football rumours: West Ham to replace Slaven Bilic with Carlo Ancelotti?

Today’s rumours are on the hoof

Spanish assist-machine David Silva is believed to be flattered by interest from Milan, who spent €175m on an overhaul during the summer, but are currently languishing in seventh place in Serie A, already six points off the pace set by Napoli and Juventus. Silva has two years left on his contract at Manchester City but is dilly-dallying on inking an extension and utterly baseless speculation suggests he may agitate for a move elsewhere next summer.

Currently letting his contract run down at Arsenal, Mesut Özil will be free to discuss his future with foreign suitors in January and conflicting reports in the past 24 hours suggest Internazionale may or may not be keen to offer him a new home. Some say the Italian club’s chairman, Erick Thohir, has dismissed any such talk as “just gossip”, which is invariably grist to the Rumour Mill’s … er, mill. “Who knows who is behind that one,” he said. “A lot of signings in the winter aren’t optimal, I know from experience after we brought Lukas Podolski and Xherdan Shaqiri.” Elsewhere, however, Thohir is quoted as saying the Arsenal midfielder “is definitely one of those players we’re looking at”, so you can understand that we’re feeling a mite confused.

Related: Manchester City striker Sergio Agüero injured in car accident

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Sep 25

A weekend of football passion, rivalry and animosity – photo essay

The Guardian photographer Tom Jenkins takes in three emotionally charged football matches over three days and captures all the colour and passion as AFC Wimbledon take on MK Dons, Tottenham Hotspur visit West Ham and Sheffield Wednesday face Sheffield …

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Sep 24

Slaven Bilic feeling the heat after Spurs shine glaring light on West Ham flaws | David Hytner

Coach retains fans’ goodwill but the way his side flirted with humiliation against Tottenham was ominous for a man aware of the harsh realities of his profession

Slaven Bilic knows how it goes in his line of work. Once a manager is in danger, once the narrative becomes entrenched, it can begin to feel like the long kiss goodbye. “Once that’s opened, then it basically doesn’t stop,” the West Ham manager said after his team’s 3-2 home defeat against Tottenham Hotspur on Saturday. “Game by game or two games by two games – it’s the way it is in modern football. Once you open that page …”

Bilic turned that page last season, when only a 1-0 win against Spurs with three games to go persuaded the West Ham hierarchy to stick with him. But three successive Premier League defeats at the start of this season ensured that the mention of his name were prefaced by words like “under-fire” and “beleaguered”.

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Sep 23

West Ham 2-3 Tottenham Hotspur: Premier League – as it happened

Harry Kane scored twice and hit the post twice as ten-man Spurs withstood a late onslaught from West Ham to win an eventful London derby

2.27pm BST

That was a game of three thirds. West Ham were superior for the first half hour, Spurs were magnificent either side of half-time to go 3-0 up – but they had to survive a late onslaught after the sending off of Serge Aurier. Thanks for your company, you can follow all the 3pm games here.

Related: Southampton v Manchester United, Stoke v Chelsea and more: Premier League – live!

Related: Manchester City v Crystal Palace: Premier League – live!

2.24pm BST

Spurs have held on to win their third consecutive away game in the league this season.

2.24pm BST

90+6 min Yellow cards all round: Carroll, Llorente and, I think, Alderweireld.

2.22pm BST

90+5 min It’s all kicking off now! It started with a foul by Carroll on someone, and now players on both sides are shoving each other. It’s a bit more than manbags, though I don’t think any punches were thrown. Chicharito, who has already been booked, might be in trouble.

2.21pm BST

90+3 min Ayew is booked for a lunge at Davies.

2.20pm BST

90+2 min Carroll’s long-range shot deflects behind for another corner. Cresswell curls a lovely outswinger towards the far post, where Carroll arrives imperiously … and then heads the ball away from goal! He ended up ahead of the ball. Did he mistime his run or was he shoved by Sanchez? Carroll thinks the latter. There was some contact, but it’s hard to judge whether it was enough for a penalty.

2.18pm BST

90+1 min There will be four minutes of added time. Spurs suddenly looked ragged.

2.18pm BST

90 min Masuaku, who has made a significant impact on the left wing since coming on, wins a corner for West Ham. Cresswell takes it short to Masuaku, gets the return and stands up a gentle, deep cross that Lloris can only fingertip towards the right corner of the box. Reid runs round the ball and wallops it into orbit. He should have lifted that back into the area before Lloris was out of his goal.

2.17pm BST

89 min For Spurs, a cheery stroll has turned into a grim struggle for survival. They make their final substitution, with Fernando Llorente replacing the magnificent Harry Kane.

2.14pm BST

Oh my. Is something brilliant happening? Masuaku beats Winks on the left and curls in a beautiful cross to the far post. Kouyate attacks it at pace, gets above Davies and thumps a memorable header through the leaping Lloris. That was a brilliant goal.

2.10pm BST

82 min Carroll, who has had an absolute beast since coming on, ruins a promising attack with a needless foul on Davies.

2.09pm BST

81 min Chicharito is booked for a foul on Dier. Spurs are pretty comfortable, even with 10 men.

2.08pm BST

80 min Alli and Kane break dangerously for Spurs, but Alli can’t find the moment or angle for a shot and the danger passes. Moments later, Kouyate is booked for something or orher.

2.07pm BST

79 min Chicharito’s volleyed backflick hits Sanchez in the chest. While everyone is appealing for a penalty Chicharito collects the loose ball and smashes a shot from 15 yards that is beaten away by Lloris. Had that been anywhere near either corner I think he’d have scored.

2.05pm BST

78 min Another Spurs change: Kieran Trippier replaces Mohamed Sissoko at right wing-back.

2.05pm BST

77 min Carroll drags a shot well wide from the edge of the area. West Ham have been far too excitable since Spurs went down to 10 men.

2.02pm BST

75 min “It’s nice to see there’s at least one cavernous, divisive London stadium in which Spurs can win,” honks Matt Dony.

2.01pm BST

74 min A substitution apiece: Harry Winks for Christian Eriksen, and Arthur Masuaku for Jose Fonte. West Ham have gone to a back four, Spurs are now playing a 3-5-1 formation.

2.00pm BST

73 min West Ham need to calm down a bit. The red card has given them fresh hope, but they’ve been a little giddy in the few minutes since, hammering cross and shots from all angles.

1.59pm BST

71 min Spurs have moved Sissomo to right wing-back in a 3-3-2-1 formation.

1.58pm BST

70 min He’s an accident waiting to happen, this chap. He lunged at Carroll, who was leading a West Ham break, and a second yellow card was a reasonable decision from Michael Oliver.

1.57pm BST

68 min Noble crosses from a deep position on the right to Hernandez, who strains his neck muscles like a cuckolded Bruce Banner to power a header towards goal from 15 yards. It’s too close to Lloris, who saves comfortably, but it was a good effort.

1.55pm BST

67 min “To be fair Rob, Danny is right,” says Alistair Donegan. “West Ham look a bit poo.”

They do now. I thought they were the better team for half an hour.

1.54pm BST

66 min Andre Ayew replaces Marko Arnautovic for West Ham.

1.54pm BST

West Ham have got one back. Cresswell’s excellent corner is headed across goal by Fonte, and Chicharito backpedals into space to head in from four yards. A classic Chicharito goal.

1.52pm BST

64 min Serge Aurier has been asking for a yellow card all day and now he’s got one for a foul on Carroll.

1.51pm BST

63 min Kane hits the other post! He ran at Reid on the left side of the box, shifted the ball down the line and cracked an early left-footed shot that rattled off the outside of the post. It seems Hart got a slight touch with his right foot as a corner has been given.

1.50pm BST

62 min Spurs were subdued for half an hour, but since the goal they have been quietly majestic. They are such a lovely team to watch. All right-thinking neutrals should want them to win the league this year.

1.48pm BST

Game over. Kane, on a hat-trick, hits the post with a sensational free-kick, whacked across goal from an absurd angle on the left. The ball comes to Aurier, whose deflected cross bounces nicely for Eriksen to sidefoot a classy half-volley into the corner from 15 yards.

1.44pm BST

56 min Sissoko slides a straight pass into the area for Alli, who tries a clever turn back inside Reid and goes over. His penalty appeals are ignored by Michael Oliver. I thought Reid got something on the ball but replays show he didn’t. Whether he got enough of Alli to warrant a penalty is debatable; you could also argue that the sharpness of the turn was the main reason for Alli going down.

1.42pm BST

54 min This game is really open now, with West Ham trying to rough Spurs up. The next goal feels even more important than usual. This game could conceivably end 3-2 or 0-6.

1.39pm BST

52 min West Ham are starting to lump a few crosses into the area for Carroll. So far Spurs have dealt with him comfortably.

1.37pm BST

49 min Eriksen fouls Noble just outside the area on the right. Cresswell dinks in the free-kick and Vertonghen heads clear. Spurs break three-on-two only for Alli to overrun the ball.

1.36pm BST

48 min Arnautovic and Cresswell combine to win a corner. It’s headed away by Alderweireld.

1.33pm BST

47 min “Not sure what game you’re watching to call this scoreline a lie – West Ham had some dangerous looking runs into the box early on but no clear chances to speak of (Aurier’s hands on Arnautovic during his brilliant tackle would have been a soft penalty to give),” says Danny Michaux. “Spurs usually take a while to find a rhythm, and since Kane’s offside miss 25 minutes they’ve looked comfortably in control, even more so since Antonio came off injured.”

Cheers Danny. I don’t know if I could this do this without you.

1.33pm BST

46 min West Ham begin the second half, kicking from right to left.

1.18pm BST

There are lies, damned lies and this half-time scoreline, but Spurs won’t care about that. Harry Kane scored twice in four minutes to flatten a buoyant West Ham, who have a job on to get anything out of the game. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

1.16pm BST

45+1 min “Arnautovic + Carroll, time for some kick and rush?” says Yoann Lechenault. “Come on England, we know you want it!”

1.15pm BST

45 min Alli flips a lovely pass with the outside of the foot to usher Davies towards goal. He gets on the inside of the last man Zabaleta, who just does enough to ensure Davies can’t get a clear run at the ball. That was excellent, if slightly desperate defending.

1.14pm BST

43 min Spurs, so subdued until they scored, are now swaggering around like they own the place. West Ham looked a bit stunned, not unreasonably, and desperately need to hear the half-time bell.

1.12pm BST

41 min Kane demonstrates his stratospheric confidence by shooting from a ridiculous angle on the left, curling the ball across goal and a few yards wide. Hart had it covered.

1.11pm BST

39 min West Ham have been mugged.

1.10pm BST

Harry Kane gets another one! Eriksen and Vertonghen combined smoothly down the left to o put Alli through on goal. His first-time shot was well saved by the outrushing Hart but it rebounded straight to Kane, who had an open goal from 12 yards.

1.06pm BST

Spurs take the lead against the run of play with an excellent goal. Eriksen, picking up a loose pass from Carroll just past the halfway line, puts Alli clear down the right with a fine angled pass. He takes a touch and clips a fast cross towards the near post, where Kane stretches to flash a header in off the far post. That was clinical: from the moment Carroll played a poor pass on the halfway line Spurs needed just five touches to score.

1.05pm BST

33 min Arnatuovic’s long, dipping free-kick hits the arm of Aurier, who mistimed his attempted header. There were no real appeals for a penalty by West Ham.

1.04pm BST

32 min Noble ploughts through Sissoko, taking man and ball, and the players square up to each other. The excellent Michael Oliver sorts it out with the minimum of fuss and the two players shake hands.

1.02pm BST

31 min Eriksen plays a brilliant cutback to find Kane in space in the D. He tees himself up and hits a fierce shot that is crucially blocked by Fonte.

12.59pm BST

29 min “Well, Rob,” says Paul Neilan. “What’s the Sissoko situation? Where/how/why/who/which is he playing? We must know this information(s).”

He’s playing as a kind of inside-right midfielder in a loose 3-3-3-1 formation.

12.58pm BST

28 min Carroll does replace Antonio, so Chicharito will presumably move to the wing. Unless Andy Carroll is going to roam up and down the flank like an inverted Ormondroyd.

12.56pm BST

27 min Antonio is struggling with what looks like a thigh injury, and Andy Carroll is going to replace him.

12.56pm BST

24 min Harry Kane misses an open goal, though it wouldn’t have counted. Spurs worked the ball neatly until Sissoko eased a through pass to Aurier on the right of the area. He blasted the ball towards the far post, where the partially unsighted Kane diverted it wide from three yards. Just as hundreds of non-Spurs fans were deliriously preparing some banter, the linesman’s flag went up to thwart them.

12.52pm BST

22 min “So wrapped up as I am in my own team’s looming crisis I have lost track of the repercussions of Alli’s finger-gate,” says Ian Copestake. “Did he get a rap on his knuckle?”

No idea. I’ve developed a sophisticated internet tool that blocks anything with even a whiff of faux outrage.

12.50pm BST

20 min Spurs aren’t playing well, though much of that is down to the quality of West Ham’s defending and counter-attacking.

12.49pm BST

19 min Arnautovic runs at Alderweireld and wafts a poor cross straight out of play. He is getting in some dangerous positions, though, and has been the most threatening attacker on either side.

12.48pm BST

16 min West Ham break and Noble curves a superb long pass towards Arnautovic. He rumbles thrillingly into the area, between Aurier and Alderweireld, before Aurier makes a brilliant recovery tackle. I say brilliant: replays showed he had a fair chunk of Arnautovic’s shirt as he did so. That should have been a penalty.

12.44pm BST

15 min The game has been pretty low on intensity for a derby, certainly when compared to the match at Ibrox. West Ham look slightly sharper at the moment.

12.43pm BST

13 min Eriksen’s deflected shot is shovelled over the bar by Hart, who didn’t risk trying to catch it as it dropped out of the sky. Nothing happens from the corner.

12.41pm BST

11 min Antonio drags a through ball towards Arnautovic, and Lloris hares from his area to clear.

12.39pm BST

8 min West Ham are starting to play some good stuff. Chicharito plays a one-two with Antonio and whips an extravagant, long-range curler onto the roof of the net. Lloris had it covered but it was a decent effort.

12.38pm BST

6 min Spurs seem to be playing more of a 3-3-3-1 formation, with Dier just in front of the three defenders and Sissoko, Eriksen and Alli playing behind Kane. Tactics are so damn hot right now.

12.35pm BST

5 min Arnautovic beats Alderweireld with a stepover on the left side of the box and drives a dangerous low cross that is cleared from inside the six-yard box by the stretching Sanchez.

12.34pm BST

3 min Spurs have started confidently, with some smooth passing in the West Ham half. Alli plays a through pass round the corner to himself, in a manner that evokes Dimitar Berbatov’s awesome goal against Charlton all those years ago, and Cresswell comes across to cover.

12.30pm BST

1 min Spurs kick off, from right to left as I look at my 23-inch HD TV screen. They are in white; West Ham are wearing claret and blue.

12.30pm BST

Opta stats show that West Ham fans are precisely 0.00 per cent enamoured of Tottenham Hotspur, and there’s a decent atmosphere at the London Stadium as a consequence.

12.27pm BST

“It might indeed get nawty – which, naturally, turned my thoughts to Danny Dyer,” writes Gary Naylor. “Twelve years ago, he was brilliant in The Business, a film that more pseudo-highbrows than just me treasure as a guilty pleasure. So, betting without Wilson Phillips and the OC, what’s yours Rob?”

Good question, Gartholomew. Does Masterchef count? When I was a twentysomething kid my guiltiest cinematic pleasures were crap postmodern slashers and the American Pie films, though I reckon I could still go into bat for the American Pies. The slashers, not so much.

11.52am BST

This isn’t the only early kick-off today. The Old Firm derby is taking place at Ibrox, and you can follow that with Barry Glendenning.

Related: Rangers v Celtic: Scottish Premiership – live!

11.34am BST

West Ham (3-4-3) Hart; Fonte, Reid, Ogbonna; Zabaleta, Kouyate, Noble, Cresswell; Antonio, Chicharito, Arnautovic.
Substitutes: Adrian, Masuaku, Byram, Rice, Ayew, Carroll, Sakho.

Spurs (3-4-2-1) Lloris; Alderweireld, Sanchez, Vertonghen; Aurier, Sissoko, Dier, Davies; Eriksen, Alli; Kane.
Substitutes: Vorm, Trippier, Walker-Peters, Winks, Nkoudou, Son, Llorente.

3.03pm BST

Hello and welcome to live coverage of the lunchtime meeting between the homesick henries of the Premier League. Spurs have away advantage against West Ham, and really need a win to keep the Mancunian pacemakers within sight. The next few weeks are likely to determine whether Spurs will challenge for the title again, or whether this will become a bit of a lost season in which they end up focussing on the cups.

West Ham have started to pick up after a difficult start to the season, though Slaven Bilic still has reason to look over his shoulder. And he keeps having those weird dreams about Rafa Benitez and Anne Boleyn. Both sides need a result, they don’t like each other, and Tottenham want to avenge the May defeat that ended their title challenge. It should be lively, it might be nawty; it kicks off at 12.30pm.

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